“Tell me, Mr. David,” she began, “how goes your progress with that novel you promised to be reading?”
They were standing at the far end of the hall, both watching the jovial crowd as they all danced without them—his face composed to the point of no expression, her smile no less reluctant to display emotion. She had been reminded of Pride and Prejudice. He had been thinking of it all evening.
“It should please you, Madam, that I have already finished it,” he answered.
“Why, congratulations sir,” said Misha. “I must confess, that is completely beyond what I believed I could hope for.”
“The book was more delightful than I thought.”
“So you enjoyed it then? Do tell me, Mr. David, whatever about Austen’s story could have impelled such surprising development of your inclinations?”
“I should say, it is not the kind of story that should generally hold my interest. But it’s a fine piece. And the fact that the author was a woman impressed me immensely.”
She was immediately struck by the mention of “woman” and her head was instantly turned to him, her brows raised as if wanting to tower over his height. “What beastly arrogance!” she shouted privately in her thoughts, and she could no longer mask her preconceived disfavor of him.
“Do you mean to propose”—asked she, in a slightly more agitated tone—“that the novel would have been a more respectable creation if it was one from your gender who had set about writing it?”
“It would have been less comical, I imagine.”
“Comical? You really are what people say about you, aren’t you?”
“And that would be what, my lady?”
“A brute—a horrible, haughty brute. Too proud, too conceited, too disdainful to ever think highly of another person. Your pride must be so great for you to endeavor expressing even just half the honor that any man—or woman, for that matter—rightly deserves from you. I knew from the first moment I saw you that you are merely cloaked in a pretension of gallantry while in truth really enveloped in a shroud of vanity. Surely you must be the most disagreeable person I have had the misfortune to encounter, and God help me if I should ever find someone with worse character.”
“And this is your true opinion of me?” asked he.
“Quite rightly so.”
“Then it is my sincere regret that you have such unfavorable estimation of me.” His body had now turned to face her, and in a moment he courteously made one step back. “Do excuse me, Miss Misha. I believe that I should better find another soul to exasperate with my incivilities. I am sorry to have spoiled your evening.”
She made no reply. He had moved away even before she could think of one.
* * *
The next morning, she awoke to a mood that was no less ill than what had kept her from sleeping comfortably the night before. The sun was just beginning to spray color to the gardens, and she at once decided it would be invigorating for her spirits to take an early stroll along the flagstone path. Not long after Misha had begun her walk, a dark figure began to emerge about the curve, pacing towards her with evident haste, clearly without intention of allowing her the option of an easy retreat. Mr. David in his long black coat was very soon in front of her, to whom he handed a square envelope and courtly nodded before saying, “I beg you to do me the kindness of reading this letter.” Then, more swiftly than he had appeared, he vanished behind the same curve he had emerged from.
Her morning, thought Misha, was now beyond all hope of being salvaged and any chance for felicity has now malevolently been denied from her. She hurriedly returned to the estate with pestered expressions, climbed the flight of stairs with angered steps, and managed to arrive only as far as the landing before losing all power of restraint and unleashing loud successive bursts of indignation—which no wall inside the house could have kept secret from residing ears.
It then took her a good while to calm herself, and only when she finally had did she realize that the envelope—though now perfectly crumpled—was still in her hand. It contained a narrow sheet of letter paper, written quite through, in a very close hand. It was dated from Bloggershire, at seven o’clock in the morning, and was as follows:
Be not alarmed, Madam, on receiving this letter, by the apprehension of its containing any rebuttal to the argument we had engaged in last evening. My desire is not to pursue a continuance of that unpleasant discourse but merely—should your reason allow it—to bring favorable light to my earlier assertions, out of which this grave discord appeared to have sprouted.
As I’ve stated before, Pride and Prejudice—on account of its story—is not something I should be expected to find great pleasure in. But as I’ve also made known to you, my lady, it indeed proved to be a source of enjoyment contrary to my expectations—foolish as such expectations must always be. The manner in which Miss Austen portrayed her characters had been most compelling and nothing short of brilliant, so much so that I had at different scenes felt honest sentiments of either tender adoration or utter hatred—making it difficult to determine whether pleasure or pain bore the greatest share. Elizabeth, with her wit and lively character, is of course quite endearing. And Jane, with her impossibly forgiving nature and vestal kindness, is unquestionably the highlight of the most amiable moments I’ve found in the story. It is unthinkable that any heart should harbor any form of indifference towards such a beautiful person. In contrast, the unbearably loathsome arrogance of Lady Catherine had been much a cause for feelings of revulsion on my part, so much so that I had at one point shamefully entertained the sinful image of murdering her in her sleep.
Now as for the other characters, my reaction had been mostly marked with smiles and laughter. Plenty and eloquent as letters are to be found in the book, it is the amusing dialogues between rather peculiar characters that I found most entertaining. So you must comprehend, madam, why to Miss Austen’s novel I had attributed the word “comical,” which in all truthfulness I insist had been exclaimed with the intention of giving a wholly favorable appraisal. I harbor no form of prejudice against Miss Austen, or any other fine lady. And believe me that, despite the circumstances, I still hold you in high regard.
As for my remark with regards to the book’s impressiveness despite having been written by a person of your gender, my amazement lies not in an appalling conviction that women are incapable of producing fine writing, but rather in the utter appreciation that Miss Austen had portrayed the atmosphere around gossiping females with delightful faithfulness. Especially for a lady who had lived in her time, I consider such feat to be not only bold but also admirable.
I earnestly hope that your abhorrence of me would not prevent you from giving attention to this letter. I shall endeavor to find some opportunity of putting this in your hands in the course of the morning. I will only add, God bless you.
MARK DAVID
She was now without words and a number of questions suddenly began to weigh on her. Out of all those perplexing intrusions, however, one thought shouted most loudly in her mind:
“Why on Earth is David writing like he’s from 19th century! And what’s all this he’s talking about? Why is he calling me Misha instead of Mee?—Oh well, best not invite him to read another classic then. He can be a bit crazy sometimes.”
Inspired by my reading of:
Pride and Prejudice
Penguin Books (2009)
I’d just like to say that—other than my opinion on Pride and Prejudice—this post is complete fiction.
Mee and I are in perfectly good terms, have never (yet) quarreled, and both believed that the other would finish the book on schedule (or at least I was sure that she would finish it,
) I simply thought It’d be fun (for me, that is) to play around and use Mee as a character (or, victim) in an Austen-inspired skit 
Here’s a link to Mee’s review.
*chuckle* Enjoyed this very much. Again, you captured Austen’s voice. And, by the way, I looooove her. Love P&P, as you must already know. So, very happy that you were impressed. (Maybe you should do all your reviews this way, as you did with The Historian and To the Lighthouse.)
Well I’m really glad you enjoyed it, ’cause I was kind of worried I’d only bore you ladies to death
I thought it’s not so often that I try my hand at some humor, so since I laughed and chuckled a lot with P&P then maybe this was a good time to try, hehe.
Mee is planning to read other Austen novels, but uhm, I think I’d go for Northanger Abbey next. I want something a little bit darker (though I remember you said in your review that you actually found it hilarious)
I can see you are totally enamoured, in the literary sense, of Jane Austen. Well done, David!
Misha sounds Japanese! But it’s a good spin-off of Meexia ;D
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Well this has been entertaining! I must say you didn’t stray too far from my real character, which is a big relief
Interestingly I found the book comical at first–it made me smile many times, but it stopped doing it after 1/3–1/2 of the way. Why is that, I wonder?!
Anyway, I’m glad we read P&P together! It’s officially our first read-along! Woohoo. And what an experience! Austen does not intimate me any longer. Yay
I love the way you do these reviews — so original and very humorous too!
I think you’ll really enjoy Northanger Abbey. I read it a number of years ago and remember I enjoyed it even more than P&P!
I’m loving the new site, by the way
@Harvee: Thanks! It’s because Austen makes quite lovable characters
@Mee: Hehe, it’s the Russian version of Meexia. I tried looking for an English variant but couldn’t find one. I have to admit, as I was reading about Elizabeth it really crossed my mind that you two might have similar traits, and that’s where I got the idea of doing a dialogue. It’s sure a relief to know that you enjoyed reading a fictionalized version of you
Hello Rebecca! Really flattered to hear that from you, and I’m certainly glad that you guys appreciate all this. Although I don’t think I want to do all my reviews this way (you’ll all get bored with it eventually, lol!), I will try to always be evocative of the book I’m reviewing.
And yes, I also have the feeling that I’ll enjoy Northanger Abbey even more
Brilliant way of delivering a review of Pride and Prejudice to us all Mark really made me chuckle and was great to see it done in such an original way.
I have yet to manage to finish P&P, I tried once and the beginning just didnt hook me at all, am more hopeful after yours and Mee’s thoughts.
Here it comes, you knew someone had to do it:
It is a truth universally ackowledged that a literary man in possession of a good library and excellent writing skills must be in want of an outlet.
I, for one, am so glad that you happened to choose blogging, else how would I ever have had the good fortune to peruse this wonderful pastiche today? Thank you, Mr. David!
I appreciate the attempt at early 19th century style–very nice! I appreciate when a guy actually likes Pride and Prejudice, or any other Austen novel. It surprises me as much as it surprisess them, I think.
An amazing review — it did make me laugh.
Like you, I too read P&P for the first time, thanks to Mee, and enjoyed the experience. Glad you did too.
What a wonderful, creatively unique way to post your thoughts on Pride and Prejudice! I think it’s the only Austen I’ve read, although I’ve seen many of her novels in film version on PBS. I’d like to read more some day.
p.s. Glad to hear you and Mee have never quarreled!
Your posts are always so unexpected. I rather liked the way you put your thoughts about P&P here.
I actually found the book quite comical as well, when I read it last year. I was expecting heavy reading with lots of difficulty, but it turned out to be very accesible, which is always a good thing.
I’ve not read another Austen since, but I’m still planning to. Hopefully soon. We’ll see.
You are a card! I love it. It’s always a lovely surprise to enjoy a book (movie, etc.) whose subject matter wouldn’t normally appeal, just on the basis of the high-quality storytelling & beautiful craftsmanship. I feel that way about Scorcese’s film Raging Bull — HATE boxing, couldn’t care less about it, but the cinematography is so gorgeous & the DeNiro & Pesci characters are so compelling that I end up hooked.
@Simon: Like I said, it’s not my kind of story, but it was quite enjoyable especially the 2nd half of the book... hope you finish it eventually, thanks!
@ds: And it’s always a pleasure to have you here as well, Madam... so nice of you to put it that way! (you made me chuckle too, hehe)
@Pilgrimchick: Yeah, I didn’t expect to like it much myself. But what do you know, I did! Thank you
@anothercookiecrumbles: So glad you finished it too! It’s great that Mee had the idea of doing it and inviting us, huh? Hoping to join you on another read-along in the future
@Bellezza: Oh yes, I remember that fairly-recent Austen post of yours about the PBS series. I think that’s actually the same version that my cousin has on video. She keeps telling me “YOU HAVE TO WATCH THIS! It’s so faithful to the book!”... So I will watch them, of course, one of these days... and yes, Mee might be as frank as Lizzy, but she’s quite nice to her friends and so we never quarrel, hehe.
@Michelle: It’s my pleasure to surprise you then
How about we read Northanger Abbey sometime late this year?
@Emily: Hmm, I haven’t seen that film before, but I do admire DeNiro & Pesci a lot. And if it’s a Scorsese film, then it’s bound to be good... But I now realize, there’s a lot of good Scorsese films which I still haven’t seen yet (must do that sometime). My favorite so far would probably be The Departed, which is a bit too graphic for my tastes, but it’s got great acting and terrific cinematography... I’m really really glad you enjoyed this post
Bloggershire?! Very creative post, Mark David. Just as aspiring painters copied the masters, by emulating the best writers in history you will give yourself “on the job training” as a writer (future novelist?) .
@Suko: Haha, yes, I was supposed to go for “Wordpresston” but it didn’t sound very nice. “Bloggershire”, at least, can apply to the whole blogging “community”, hehe... Aww, it’s really motivating to hear you say that. I do hope to be writing my own fiction someday. Novels might be a bit of a stretch, but I’ll see what I can do with short stories for now
Thanks for visiting!
Super creative post-very perceptive etc–
I absolutely loved this post. It has to be the most creative review I’ve ever read. And I’m glad you enjoyed the book. Austen is one of my favorites authors, and P&P is one of my favorite books. I’m reading Sanditon, her last novel, which is unfinished, and I’m finding it to be very funny!
@Mel: So glad you liked it. I very much enjoyed writing this piece
@Anna: Thanks! That’s quite a compliment, and coming from an Austen fan, it’s even more flattering... Sanditon sounds interesting. I’m planning on reading a lot more Austens after enjoying this one
hah! i love this review. i hate to admit it, but i have yet to read any Austen. i have P&P on my bookshelf at home and will certainly have to pick it up after this most unique and hilarious review.
When Mee invited me to read P&P with her, I also had my doubts about this book. I thought it was going to be boring and I only agreed to read it because I wanted to read at least one Austen novel. But it turned out to be a rather witty and hilarious read. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did